forgive me yeah i want to talk about me (so selfish i know ahah) but i feel like i need to write, first to make a personal statement of where i am in my life right now, and then to try searching for a feeling of fierce and accomplishemeent to make me keep going forward even if it's hard sometimes.
so well well... idk where to start because there's always my about me page for basic stuff so.. let's say that you read that and you know those things already lmao.
right now, i'm currently a 1st year Master student (in France, so i don't really know the equivalent, maybe something like 4th year college student) and for that i'm in Paris... yeah :/ after 3 years in the south of France, Toulouse.
i feel so lonely now and i'm feeling depressed because i miss my life in Toulouse, my habits, my friends BUT especially my boyfriend nills. thank god i have a lovely roomates :D we do a lot of stuff together like museum and stuffs (exploring Paris, which include a lot of coffee and bubble tea too).
to explain a little more, i add to change university after my licence degree because i wanted to do an internship (which i don't actually because ahah Macron) and this university near Paris proposed this program but it's a 1/2 week at school whatever you have an intership... and we're A LOT in the case to not having an internship lmao. so basically i move far away from my boyfriend to just be meserable and with no activity (beside a very few amount of work)
searching for things to do is a huge deal in my life right now, i force myself to keep a rythme of going to bed early, searching jobs, working for uni, coding... but i get simply distracted and my screen time increase easily... and that is a part of my well being, and explain why i feel sad.
i can say that i'm a pretty social person, I LOVE HANGING OUT with people, doing new things, even if it's harder when i'm alone other than doing that with one or two friends because i'm very shy and have social anxiety. being with people i'm comfy with help me forget about me, how other can see me and just vibe (most of the time, it work only with friends lmao)
so i feel like i have to be someone, do something like having a job (the thing that scares me the most right now, not being able to find a stupid internship) and especially, know what i want in life althought i'm 21 ???? like can i breath ? i want to be 16teen again please.
i miss my boyfriend, my friends, my family and the time when i was able to do nothing and not seing the problem. and i'm glad to be here tho... i have great parents that help me pay for rent, food and activity while i do basically nothing i fear (despite this silly blog).
i know, i'm not doing nothing but i feel like it's not enough. yeah i have a degree and last three year me would so proud because oh my god... but i'm scared to do all that just to be unemployed, because i know my parents count on me and don't have infinite money.
but, if i'm trying to feeling proud of myself. i'm proud because i'm trying to be a better version of me and understand me, my body and how he feel. i'm in therapy since nearly three years now because i'm ill or something like that ? idk how to say it and don't really want to talk more about it but it deeply releated on how i feel and what i do, so therapy help and my psy too (hi Charlotte, thank you !!). i'm trying to understand me, other, and not be so anxious.
to conclude this first poster (other than the welcome post lmao), even if my life right now is not at they peak, it's okay. daily reminder to take a look of what you have accomplished so far. it can help with the over acheivment thing and more important, you can feel happy :)
15/01/26
s0ft-rvge
welcome!!
hi everyone !! i wanted to say my proper welcome to you and also thank you for visiting my blog because i fear that if it's not me, you simply don't exist ahah
i hope you'll like my little site that i made with a lot of tutorials and time on Pinterest (also when i should just listen to my lectures...) and probably when i should be doing other things ahah. but that's okay i guess, it's always better than nothing right ? :O also it really help me to pratice my codding skills (let's say i can always speaks about it in my resume lmao, even if it's not very professional... but the creativity is here i think !!)
so yeah, here's gonna be where i yap a lot about diferent things, probably my life, my feelings, my thoughts, my inspirations and all that stuff. i will try to post as much as possible, because i think it's important for the stat of mind to write down your feelings and thoughts, even if it's just for yourself. plus, it's always fun to look back at your old posts and see how much you've changed (or not changed at all ahah). and i'm practicing my english too, so it's a win-win situation !!
anyway, if somebody is reading this, thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog and read my little welcome message. it means a lot to me !! i hope you'll enjoy your stay here and maybe even come back for more (if i manage to post more often ahah). take care and have a great day !!
ps : if you want to contact me, you can always reach me on my main blog or on my social medias (if i ever post something there ahah). i'd love to hear from you !!
